I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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