Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
