we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
