I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
