If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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