When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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