Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
