how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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