Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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