how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
