ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
