My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize