DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
