Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
