dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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