he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
