dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
