In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
