look no pants
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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