Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
