I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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