??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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