I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
