chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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