I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
