Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
