some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
