so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
