haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
being pregnant is like rehab
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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