i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
