I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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