The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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