singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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