I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
