So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
