I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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