what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
