is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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