I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
