wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
