I'll bet she douches with gravy.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
