is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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