What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
