i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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