I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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