My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
