No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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