I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
