I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
