my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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