i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
