You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
