I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm jealous of your bromance
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
