You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
